You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
