he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
