She is in my trunk
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
