Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
