I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
