i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
