just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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