And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
