Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
