Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
