Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have fence marks all over my body
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
