We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
