No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
