I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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