Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
