i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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