whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
