Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
