My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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