When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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