Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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