U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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