just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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