i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
