By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
