i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
