I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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