Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
