Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
