the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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