Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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