from now on my penis is your penis
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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