Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
