I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
