mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
