he shaved USA in his pubs
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
