If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just high enough for therapy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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