this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
