holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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