sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
