You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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