no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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