The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
