even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
