I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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