so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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