Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
