i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
