When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
