I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
