just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
